# reading

I'm watching Jacob Geller's video "how much can you really know a game" or something (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSrP1ipkes0)
and he's going over this book called "Pilgrim in the micro-world", a really really deep and personal dive about a guy's experience
playing atari breakout. I can't really summarize it, I think you should just watch the video like I did and get past the bit where
you find out he's talking about star wars initially because it isn't a video about star wars at all. so dont worry about that bit.

but i'm just thinking, i dont really read a lot. i try to get into things, i buy books, but i dont read them, so they just sit on
the shelf like people usually talk about, i actually stole a book that i justified by saying i'd read it then i just didnt, but i
guess for some reason i feel different this time. it isn't like infinite jest, which i heard was good but hadnt bothered actually
opening beyond a few first page glances... or uh, i guess i should step back a tiny bit. i do Read Words on a screen, i type like
this because of that, and i think about things in ways that i feel wouldnt be possible if i didnt read things from time to time,
but also um

hold on im losing my train of thought. TABLE

MEDIA I CONSUME: HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT

TV SHOWS: fairly satisfied, ive been getting into anime lately
MOVIES: im not well versed but i dont feel so compelled to follow this thread. movies are a pretty hefty time sinc
GAMES: i could be playing more but i feel like i get a lot out of studying them from afar and thinking about them. im ok about it
MUSIC: i listen to more music than you
VISUAL ART: its hard to feel like im not "seeing enough art", for some reason. same goes for like, installation works.
VIDEOS ONLINE: ive seen a lot of studies of various things im interested in, games and movies and art, video essays, just straight
up gameplay with commentary, nonsensical garbage and high art ytps, etc,

and heres where we get into the subject:

MICROFICTION: i read web posts and other tiny stories in bite sized bits, i read scpwiki articles, i like the short ones but
i can really get into a longer one if its about a premise i really enjoy.

But a proper piece of singularly published literayure, a BOOK, be it bound or digitally distributed, webcomic or visual novel
or fiction or nonfiction or textual or choose your own adventure or anything just... starting at the start of a book and reading
to the end of it? i don't think ive actually read a full chapter of a book in actual years.

obviously this distinction isnt, like, definitive in any way but something about it... strikes me as wrong. i feel like i should
be giving myself space to just sit down and consume this. and i should clarify: when i say consume, i am of course borrowing from
my natural lingo as a "content consumer" (bleh) or the other like, sociopolitical/advertising sense of the word "consumer" where
i like, buy and use things or whatever. but thats not what i mean to imply in its use here, so im sorry im lacking in vocabulary;

what i mean is that all the time i want to create, want to strike at things and make dents in it and forge things, build and create
and write and draw and compose, but im hitting a brick wall, and what im always told is that we need to take the time to take in
more work so that we can let out more work, to let experiences dwell within us, so that we can reflect and touch outward on them,
to breathe in so that we can breathe out... i could go on but hopefully its clear where "consume" fits into this picture.

Girls just wanna have lunch. A guy gotta eat. etc

so while i might jokingly tell you i want to read so that i can make more niche fiction references and that might be partially true,
it just feels like a huge gap in my experiences, and i dont think itll be the key to like saving my workflow, but like, i dunno,
maybe it is and maybe its something i need anyway. it really feels like somethings missing by me not reading. or i dont know

but the point is, i havent been reading. and when i hear the excerpts from this pilgrim book, im immediately drawn in and compelled
by everything, the premise and the writing style and uh i dont know what else there is besides that. IT SEEMS really interesting,
and speaks to an extended interest and desire to learn and be fed information and read and learn and touch experiences deeply and
wholly and with extreme depth of understanding, and it seems really autistic as one might put it plainly.

So im gonna try and see if i can buy it or nab a pdf or something, and i wanted to give that update. i was almost going to post
this in a server as "was watching jacob geller talk about pilgrim in the microworld, seems cool im probably gonna try and read it"
but both casual discussion channels were a lot more busy than i would have liked to interrupt even for a brief interjection. so
i moved to a channel less busy (in fact empty) and just started typing more, and it just kept hitting me with new things i wanted
to put into words so that became this blogpost. 

#games #reading #books #jacobgeller #eat #consume #art